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May 14, 2001

Blindsided

it came out of the fog, unseen and silent

blindsiding my life, giving no warning

sending the man I was on the unseen path

to the garbage heap, cast aside and useless

how can you prepare for something

that after which is nothing

any preparation is insufficient, incapable,

like scotch taping a window to face a tornado

what do you do when the land runs out,

you’ve been dragged to the edge of your world,

and yet you must continue walking

where do you go from there

how does a man, a lifetime in the making,

begin again to prove his value

to a world that has no need, has no care

for who God has made him be

dear God above you stand alone

secure for one who alone now stands

you alone of all know my value, or its lack,

give me chance again to serve

I don’t really know what a mid-life crisis

is, am really unsure if my experience would

even qualify, or even if such an event is a

real event or an excuse to cover our excess.

I do know that the past fourteen months

have been among the hardest of my life, that

the man I was for over twenty years has been

disposed of, and that the prospects of going

on in ministry are dim at the best.  So if

this is a mid-life crisis or not it is still hard.

How do you prepare for something you

can’t possibly imagine the other side of?